And she writes…

I was recently asked how long I have been writing, as if I’m good at it, haha! Let’s be clear I basically flunked out of English and I’m pretty sure that shows in my entries. Growing up I would randomly journal on loose leaf paper, nothing major. I’d usually find myself engulfed in writing if I was going through something traumatic, it was always a way to release my emotions. My process was to scribble as fast as I could before the tears soaked the paper, then I’d immediately throw it away.

My first taste of real writing came when I started helping a friend ghost write his autobiography over a year ago. At first I was presented with the idea of helping him edit his book until I realized he only had ideas and vague stories. I found myself deep in his world, picking apart his memory in an effort to portray the realism in my words. I wasn’t doing it for anybody but him; I wanted absolutely no credit or mention when he published the book. I knew his stories would be intriguing if only they could be portrayed in such a way.

Then this past Christmas I was gifted with my very first journal and it took me on a wild ride. For the first time in my life I was journaling because I was happy. I quickly became drawn to the idea of writing to gain further clarity, perspective, and awareness in an effort to become more mindful in my daily life. At one point I had 5 journals on the go.

I had a daily journal where I’d write in great detail and length of how I spent my day. This afforded me the ability to gain perspective on the way I was interacting with people and how I was choosing to use my time.

An appreciation journal was to give thanks to all that was good in my life.

My truth/fight journal kept me accountable. Any time I was untruthful I would have to reflect on why I chose to lie, even if it was a small exaggeration. This gave me great awareness in being able to stop myself, knowing even a slight exaggeration was of no use and didn’t serve a purpose. Lying is a useless learned behaviour that is easily broken once you become aware of it. This also played a huge role in my ability to curb arguments and fights. When my nature got the best of me and I was sucked into other peoples energies, I had no other choice but to hold myself accountable in the role I played, and the actions I chose in those circumstances by writing in my journal, never leaving a detail out. This gave me the ability to gain a better understanding as to why I allowed others to bring me to their level. I was also able to appreciate and move past my emotions more quickly.

The journal that I was gifted was kept for my thoughts and desires surrounding my then counterpart.

I also had a journal for keeping another accountable, it was the hardest to write in as I faced some harsh realities surrounding my current situation but this kept me fighting for what I knew was right.

I would spend anywhere from an hour, up to 4 hours a day delving into my self work. I was truly madly deeply in love.

Almost 6 months into my obsessive journaling I felt a shift in my creativity. There were a couple of weeks where I actually looked at the stack of journals and dreaded writing in them, as if it had become a chore. It also didn’t help that my hand was giving out. I was only able to hand write for 15min spans before I had to begrudgingly take a break. Then my dearest friend, Asshole, gave me another nudge towards the idea of writing a book. I found myself seriously contemplating it this time around and before I knew it I had bought a laptop. I had became consumed in the works of an autobiography. This became short lived as my life continued to throw some hard curve balls at me. Then once again with a little guidance, Asshole plants yet another creative and inspirational seed in my head. I soon ditched my journals and book for my blog as this is now my first true love. It is the simplest form of sharing the humour in my every day life and continued journey as I find my true purpose in this crazy world we live in. Surely Asshole didn’t anticipate my blog to be so obnoxious but it gets my creative juices going either way. Much love Asshole, you truly are one of a kind!

He was sorely mistaken as to where this blog has taken me thus far, haha!

 

 

 

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toplessinathongjournal

Let go. Let be. Love!

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