B to Z; Where’s A?

My nature when it comes to dating is to be as easy going and laid back as my being allows. I try not to attach much to anybody that I encounter through the process and hold as little expectations as possible. With that said clearly I am human and at times my feelings get the best of me, but with self reflection and perspective I always come back to myself and what’s best for all parties involved. My current reality is that I willingly put myself into the same position every time I enter the idea of “dating” somebody, at the bottom of the totem pole. The reasoning behind this is the fact that my sans little time is extremely limited and I still enjoy my alone time to quiet my mind and do my self work, which leaves even less time to invest in a relationship. At this point in the game I can’t even use the word date/relationship because I have kept that word on the other side of the ocean. This won’t always be the case but I am extremely mindful when entertaining the idea of being in relationship, sure not to be unfair to the other party.

This past year as I have ventured being single again, I found myself being more drawn to the female form and exploring my sexuality. It started with V, the joke is that if she was single she might be the woman that turns me full blown lesbian. My attraction and experience with her was fierce. The fun wasn’t limited to V but she definitely helped broadened my horizons. K and I were also able to explore together which only heightened the desire. I found myself entertaining the idea of my ideal relationship which is having a girlfriend and boyfriend, with whom are all compatible. This makes the most sense to me as we can all have fun together but if one isn’t available another may be. You can understand why this would work for me as I don’t have much time to give to another. I’m not saying this will be my forever as I’m sure if I found the right person I’d have no problem being in a monogamous relationship where we can choose to include other people if we so desire.

Recently K had nudged me to go on Tinder. He knew I wasn’t having luck meeting people in my day to day life, although lets be honest I am still having fun. My intention was to initially go on Tinder to find a girlfriend as it seemed almost impossible to meet women otherwise. Seriously unless you have bi or lesbian stamped on your forehead my type wasn’t going to be easy to nail down. Clearly K would have loved to be part of this adventure but it was short lived. Tinder was not going to be where I’d find her either, I’m still swiping left.

The first week or so of being on Tinder I found myself wavering back and forth, changing my settings from seeking female, to male and female. In the midst of this I was chatting up W. Whoops, apparently W was viewing the changes on my profile. I found myself telling him the details of my ideal dating life which I usually saved for a much later date. Although who am I kidding, these days I just send potential suitors to my blog; this place is my dating profile, haha! When I was telling my friends about W and my recent fumble on Tinder they inquired as to what W thought. What do you think? Pretty sure a guy on Tinder wouldn’t object to the idea of having two girlfriends. W’s response was that he was down with the idea of a poly lifestyle which lets be honest, the word polygamy scares people; get over it! I personally roll with ethical non-monogamy when I try to explain my ideal to people as I’m not seeking a potential long term relationship, but with that said I am not against it if I find the right person(s).

This is where my journey becomes even more interesting. I am a rare breed if you will or so I like to think; unique is my thang! I am finding the more I talk about my ideal “relationship” with people the more I realize that I am not only searching for one fucking unicorn but two!

 

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toplessinathongjournal

Let go. Let be. Love!

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