I’ll take YOU!

I have a new approach in trying to find people to date which is thoroughly entertaining and really pushes me outside of the box. Lets be real, it’s fucking exciting and makes my fingers tingle and my heart beat a mile a minute. Basically the gist of it is that I try to speak my mind even if it feels uncomfortable. If I stumble upon somebody who is good looking or intriguing, my intention is to have the gull to tell them. If they show signs of being interested I will be blunt and go as far as asking them if they are single.

~It started with K

I was in the hot tub at the Y after running 5K and looking like a hot mess. I usually sit with my eyes closed, trying to zone everybody out, but K immediately caught my attention. He was stretching beside me and I could see him catching glimpses of me out of the corner of my eye. I had to giggle because I usually stretch in the hot tub as well but I sure wasn’t going to this time around. I can’t recall who started the conversation but before we knew it we were talking in depth about our lives. I’m not sure how long we were in there for but it was way too long and I was starting to burn up. As I went to get out and leave I was hoping he was making his exit as well but he said he was going for a steam. I blurted out the fact that I couldn’t get his number if we weren’t’t leaving at the same time so I decided to join him. The rest will go down in epic sexual history, haha!

~Barista Babe

Let’s just say this cute drive thru Barista and I always flirt but I never had the chance to inquire if he was attached considering it’s quick interactions. After doing my usual tea run I decided to park my car and call the store. I talked to his supervisor who obviously knows me and asked him to pass my number along as Barista Babe was clearly busy. Hmmmm, he is hitched after all.

~Discreet is the name of the game

I’ll keep this one vague and change some details to protect him, although if you did know the full story it’d be soooo much more entertaining, but I do have respect for him and the title he holds. Anyways I had to go to an office to fill out some paperwork and P was there. I could sense him lingering outside of his office, discreetly eyeing me up. I’m not as cocky as you may think and I couldn’t be certain of his intentions considering this was our first encounter. The next time I found myself at his place of work I felt this pull, yet I was careful to keep my distance. I mean at this point I had no idea if he was jamming on me too. It wasn’t too long after our last encounter that I bumped into him at Starbucks and I decided to schmooze the shit out of him. A fun tidbit about me is the fact that I am known for schmoozing, it’s who I am and I love every minute of it. I tell people that I schmooze for a living! If you are good natured and fun the likelihood of me schmoozing you is close to 100! Can you tell I love the word schmooze! Ok so by this point I am sure P is digging me or at least entertaining the idea. I leave our latest interaction, unable to shake him. I find myself contemplating the idea of calling him at work. Seeing as I am in a management role I know how far out and inappropriate it would be to hit on him at his place of work, but who am I kidding, I decide to do it anyways. Initially I questioned why I thought it was so “wrong” and couldn’t seem to grasp at a real good reason I shouldn’t do it. Basically I asked myself if I gave a fuck what people think because at the end of the day what matters is my intentions. There is no harm in asking somebody out or letting them know you are interested. Screw it, I park my car and call his office. My heart is jumping out of my chest but the excitement is outweighing everything else. It was so awkward to ask for him and wait on the line. At this point I knew I still had a chance to hang up without anybody knowing but I anxiously wait. Oh my gawd B what are you doing? He answers! Oh crap, here we go, I’m in it. I calmly let him know who’s calling and it’s slightly awkward considering he doesn’t really know me. I approach the topic quickly, sure to acknowledge the fact that I realize how inappropriate this is. I shoot for the stars and ask if he’s single. He quickly catches me off guard and asks why I want to know. I stumble and don’t want to put myself in an awkward situation if he is attached, seeing as I will have to face him in the near future. I blurt out that I have a girlfriend who might be interested in having a drink with him. He comes at me in a very professional manner. Oh my gawd I feel like I’m being scolded. Wait, he’s just playing the role and feeling me out. I laugh off the nerves and make a joke about the fact that he must find it impossible to make friends if he has to shut himself off from all interpersonal relations, but I sympathize with him as we easily relate to one another. My laid back personality is slowly starting to break him and I can feel him easing up to the idea of having a personal chat with me. The conversation is flowing and fun. At this point we are at least laughing at my boldness. I am thoroughly entertained to see him circle back to the idea, casually slipping in the fact that he is indeed single, mentioning he may come visit me at work. Either way it was definitely worth it and I can’t wait to bump into him again, even if nothing comes of it, which lets be honest nothing will. Unless it does, I sure won’t be sharing it with you guys out of respect for him!

On a side note, most people who have worked with me would consider me far from professional. I totally hit on people at work all the time, even if it’s just for shits and giggles. My staff will even get me from the backroom when a hot guy comes in. I have them trained well at this point! I also have a guy who works for me and I always give him shit for cock blocking me because he is gay. We have literally “pushed” each other out of the way to help cute guys, then we inappropriately talk about them. I usually rub it in his face that I have another field to play so I’m not too concerned when he does cock blocks me.The ongoing joke is that I don’t have rampant HR issues and you know that’s my own joke, haha!

~Oozing Aussie

After schmoozing this hotty in the street I noticed his headlights were on when I was leaving the house later that evening. I went over to let him know and got a chance to chat him up a bit more and holy smokes a hot Aussie makes all the girls go wild. He mentioned that he keeps leaving his lights on because its a new car so it got me thinking. Since I like to make myself laugh I decided to leave a note on his car considering I chickened out saying anything to him the second time around. This one didn’t hit me up after all.

~Lagoon Floozy

As you may have already figured out I frequent the beach topless in a thong. On this very day I happened to see a guy not too far from me hanging out on a log, clearly catching an eye full every so often. When I was leaving he was laid out with his hat covering his face. As I walked by I said something to the affect of, “You have a great body but I need to see your cute face too.” He obviously sat straight up and let me have a look. I was being coy and kept walking, making my way back to my car which was in his line of sight. I purposely took my time to leave in the hopes he’d follow suit so I could chat him up but he didn’t. I made it maybe a minute down the road when I said fuck it and turned around to get his number. When I got back he was already gone, walking down the beach. A week later I find myself in my usual spot, listening to music and writing when somebody approaches me. I look up and sure as shit it’s him. Well, well how that played out perfectly. I didn’t make much for small talk and told him I come to the Lagoon to find quiet and write, basically telling him I wanted to be alone, but not before I gave him my number. We exchanged a few pleasantries before I tried to nail him down for a hang out which never came to light. Lets just say he eventually fessed up to having a girlfriend and I never heard from him again.

Here’s to the next one…


^^You know I took a pic of it to send to my gf before I put it on his car!

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Let go. Let be. Love!

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